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Lance is home by himself. No one else is around so he is secretly listening to black metal. Tommy secretrly comes into the house! SHIT LANCE WHAT ARE YOU SLISTENGING TO!!!!!!!!!!" lance quickly changes cds " SHIT BRO I WAS LISTENING TO HARDCORE GANSTRA RAP" oh what is this IMMORTAL CD DOING HERE" SAYS TOMMY. "Shit tommy don't tell anyone " says lance. Tommy and lance get drunk and start driving around town. Lets go to a bar! Say lance. Tommy say "FUCK OFF LANCE YOU FUCKING FAGGOT" Tommy and lance start having sex in the car while driving. This is a dangerous practice so do not try it at home. After running out of petrol on a deserted highway tommy and lance keep having sex for 52 hours. Then they say "SHIT WHERE ARE WE????" they see a hearse go by silently. SHIT TOMMY DID YOU SEE THAT SAY S TOMMY. Yeah says lance. They keep driving and driving and they never seem to leave the road that is closly lined by trees. WHERE ARE WE says lance. I DON'T KNOW SAY S TOMMY. they keep driving and driving for what seems like hours. ARE WE STILL ON THE SAME ROAD?????? I DON' TKNOW WHER ETHE FUCK ATRE WE?????? tommy and lance run out of petrol and park the car on the side of the road. WHERE IS CJ? I don't know he disappeared! Then they saw the same hearse go by again! TOM YAND CJ  I MEAN LANCE LOOK AT THE HEARSE AND SEE CJ IN THE BACK. HE IS TRAPPED! " SHIT TOMMY WE HAVE TO HELP CJ." SAID LANCE. " YES I A GREE " SAYS TOMMY.

BUT THE HEARSE IS GONE AND THEY DRIVE AND DRIVE " SHIT LANCE WHERE DID THAT HEARSE GO MATYBE OFF A SIDE ROAD????": LANCE SAYS "DID YOU SEE ONE?. NO KEEP DRIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" they drive and drive and see a sign that says "MARCOTT"

OH FUCK LANCE WE ARE STUCK IN THAT SHITTY MOVIE "tommy and lance die on the road
Tommy did come into the room" HI LANCE WHY D ON'T WE KILL OURSELFVES tommy did break a razor and cut his wrist tommy i mean lance did the same REMEMBER TOMMY IT'S DOWN THE STREET NOT ACROSS THE ROAD tommy and lance died from blood lost KTHE END LOLL OLO
Tommy was sitting in the kitchen eating a banana. Suddenly the door opened and it was lance and he came in really quickly and shit the door! AND EVERYONE STARTED LAUGHING "Hey Tommy I'm wearing colths from the dryer! I HAVE A POCKET OF COINS AND I'M GOING TO ALWASY PUT MY CLOTHES IN THE DRYER! "

SUDDENLY MOTHER ROLLED THROUGH THE DOOR!!!! Hi guys i'm dating someone and don't know how to break up with them AND A BIRD HIT MY BIG HEAD" then the apartmant doorbell did ring andf tommy went to the intercom and sai dWHO IS IT?? and someone said IT'S ME and it was CJ and he said COME UP CJ and he said "IT'S ME CJ" AND TOMMY SAID COME IN CJ!!!!!!!! AND CJ SAID ITS ME CJ AMND cJ SAID ITS ME CJ AND CJ SAID ITS ME CJ AND CJ SAID ITS ME CJ AND CJ SAID ITS ME CJ AND CJ SA
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</FORM</center<bInformation Awareness</b Office - </a<ul<font size=2"The TIA program itself was 
the &quot;systems-level&quot; program of the IAO that intended   to ... Among the other IAO programs that were intended to provide TIA with ..."<br<font color=#008000en.wikipedia.org/wiki
/Information_Awareness_Office</font</font</ul<A Href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_Information_Awareness"<bTotal Information Awareness</b - <font size=2"1 Jul 2008 ... <b style="background-color:#ffff66"Total</b <b style="background-color:#a0ffff">Information</b <b style="background-color:#99ff99"Awareness
</b, a program of the US <b style="background-color:#a0ffff"Information</b <b style="background-color:#99ff99"Awareness</b Office   from February to May 2003, when it was renamed as the ..."<br<font color=#008000en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_Information_Awareness</font</font</ul<A Href="http://epic.org/privacy/profiling/tia/"EPIC Terrorism (<bTotal</b)
 <bInformation Awareness</b Page</a<ul<font size=2"News and <b style="background-color:#a0ffff"information</b from the Electronic Privacy <b style="background-color:#a0ffff"Information</b Center."<br<font color=#008000epic.org/privacy/profiling/tia/</font</font</ul<A Href="http://epic.org/privacy/profiling/tia/tiasystemdescription.pdf"><b>Total Information 
Awareness</b> Program (TIA) System Descriptin <b>...</b></a><ul<font size=2"The <b style="background-color:#ffff66"Total</b <b style="background-color:#a0ffff"Information</b <b style="background-color:#99ff99"Awareness</b (TIA) Program seeks to provide a true end-to-end  . capability for analysts and decision-makers. As a result, the TIA System ..."<b
<font color=#008000>epic.org/privacy/profiling/tia/tiasystemdescription.pdf</font</font</ul
TOMMY SEEKS HELP by ME

"I'm Tommy Vercetti, and I can't stop killing people. I'm a MURDERHOLIC" "Mr Vercetti! This is a girlscout meeting!" Said the girl scout woman. "AHHHH! I"M TOMMY MONTANA AND I'LL KILL ALL YOU COCK-A-ROACHES I MEAN COCKS" Tommy takes out his machine gun and SHOOTS ALL THE GIRLSCOUTS IN THE HEADS. Lance did come through the door. Hi Tommy! WHat are you doing."  "I was looking for murderes anonymous when these girl scouts tried to rape me! " " SHIT TOMMY i'll be a double trunked elephant" "You are a double trunked elephant lance... IN YOUR LANCE PANTS" "that's what i fucking said you stupid fuc

Part 2: ON THE WAY TO TOWN

On the way to town LANCE GETS HIT IN THE HEAD BY A COKE BOTTLE DROPPED FORM AN AIRPLANE. He holds it up and jumps up and down and says CLICK CLICK CLICK i mean TOMMY LOOK AT THIS IT WAS DROPPED BY THE GODS Tommy says "OMG LANCE" and then tommy shots lance in the head. Mother screams from the back seat "SHIT TOMMY YOU DID KILL MY LOVER" Tommy stops the car and gets out and gets a rope and ties the rope around mothers head. And ties the rope around the back of the bumper bar and. Tommy starts the car and THROWS MOTHER OUT OF HTE CAR And goes really fast and MOTHER IS SCREAMING AND GETTING HER FACE SCRAPED OFF ON THE ROAD. Tommy says "Lance I am having the best time of my whole life."

PART #:


Tommy hits a speed bump on the way out of town and lances jaw drops open. "LET'S HAVE A PICKNICK" says Tommy. They find a big park and tommy puts down a a blanket. He puts the picnic basket down. Then he gets lance from the car and drages him to the blanket. On the way lances scraping shoe disturbed an ANT NEST. Lots of ants came out of the nest. Tommy doesn't notice and PUTS LANCE ON THE BLANKET. He falls over to one side so tommy puts him upright again. Then he falls over to the other side so lance says "SHIT and leaves him on the grass. He then sits down and takes a SANDWICH and eats tyhe sandwich. JUST THEN an ant in the nest was told by the queen to remove the ant because it was infected by a ahorrible fungis that was growing in its brain. The ant has to take it FAR FROM THE NEST so it doesn't infect other ants the ant WALKS AND WALKS and finally goes near lances mouth and thinks "THAT DEAD NIGGERS MOUTH WOULD BE PERFECT" (all ants are racist i'm  just being AUTHENITC) and drops the infected ant into lances mouth. Then the infected ant goes INTO LANCES MOUTH AND INTO HIS NECK AND INTO HIS STOMACH where it dies. A fungus takes root unbeknownst to tommy!

PART 4 LATER THAT NIGHT

Later that night tommy and lance are lying in bed. Tommy took lance to bed he was starting to smell and he had soiled himself when he died but tommy didn't notice because he did anyway. Tommy is asleep! He stops spooning lance and rolls over so their backs are touching. TOMMY SLEEPS FOR hours and hours. The lancecorpse starts to convulse! A fungus spore SPEARS OUT OF THE BACK OF LANCES HEAD AND GOES INTO THE BACK OF TOMMYS HEAD. TOMMY WAKES UP AND SCREAMS "AHHHH CORDYCEPS!!!!!!!" and turns into a fungus zombie. The fungus eats tommys brain and disrupts normal brain fuction OR SOMETHING anyway he's a zombie now

Tommy walks around town eating brains and shit

MEANWHIL

Jan. 1st, 2009

Tommy is masturbating while watching his favourite pornographic film Cannibal Holocaust. Lance does come in. "HI TOMMY WHATS GOING ON." said lance. Tommy said "NOT MUCH LET'S DO SOMETHING EXCITING" after filing their teeth they set out into town to PAINT THE TOWN RED. Tommy turns to lance and lightly touches him on the shoulder. TOMMY. I have a question. "Yes lants?" "How is babby formed?" "THEY NEED TO DO WAY INSTAIN MOTHER>

Tommy and lance prented they are flying by holding their arms out and going "WHOOOOOOOO". "WHOOOOOOO" said tommy. "WHOOOOOOOOO" said lance. CJ did come along . ARE YOU 2 BEING GHOSTS" "yes.".
Tommy and Lance and CJ found a mother. Lance starts screaming "LET"S WAY INSTAIN THIS MOTHER" mother says "HOW DO I HAVE BABBY" after gangraping her for 10 days mother has formed a bond with the men. Tommy says " I HAVE HEARD OF THIS STOCKHOLM SYNDEROME>." "I love you all!" Says mother. Tommy cuts off her arms and legs and ties a belt around her waist and wears her like a backpack. "NOW WE CAN TAKE HER EVERYWHERE!!!!" 9 months later a hideous 3 headed baby was born

NOW WE ARE A FAMILY...................................FOREVER

After cauterising her woudns and travelling all over the world they are known as the backpack family. They are very popular especially in polygamist circles. Tommy and Lance and CJ live in Utah now! "WHO LIKES UTAH" "WE DO" tommy and lance run around the salt flats while cj times them with a stop watch. "I WIN" "NO I WIN" "LANCE WINTS BECAUSE I AM RACISTS" said cj "it's okay for a black man to be racist says lance." tommy agrees. Tommym and lance dig a big hole in the salt flats and decide to live in there like hobbits. And just like hobbits they have orgies every night with a cripple. Tommy says "WHERE IS MY TOBACCO PIPE lance says "IN MY ASS SMOKE IT" and he does
Tommy was driving down the street in his white in fernus. BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP MAKE WAY FOR THE HUGE FAG just then the phone did ri

tommy crashed the car and DIED IN FLMAES
The guy from GTA 1 came into the party. BUR P BURP FART BURP BURP  BURP FART BURT "Oh guy from gta 1 you are so funny." Lance and CJ and bigsmoke get on a train and they have to sit at the back because there is no troom at the front.
"THANKTHE  FUCK WE BOUGHT TICKETS ON THIS TRAIN. I WAS GOING TO GO CARZY!!!!" Yeah bigsmoke you were CRAZY WITH HUNGER" "yeah that's what i meant" "ha ha" "ha haa hah ah a" :"haha haha ha ha ". Good friends are sharing a laugh.

Later when the plan lands they get off at the airport. Let's buy some duty free handguns! Said everyone.  at once. Hello welcome to the airpot gun shop what can i give you. " I will take all of yuour sawn off shotguns!" "I have one" "thanks!"

Everyone leaves the shop and they walk down the street. I have a sawn off showtgun! Yells tommy. Every time i go to sleep i need to leavfe a light on so i don't get sacred. Some ropes were hanging from the ceiling and CJ tied them into a bigger rope. then they tooke that rope and tied it to a tree then they tied the rope to a plan.e Then the plane tooks off and pulls the tree into thje air! Some birds fall out of the tree and look confused. Tommy does laugh at the flying tree. "HA ha looksl ike that tree MADE LIKE A TREE AND LEAVE! i mean left" "yeah that tree MADCE LIKE A PORT AND LEFT" ha ha that's better joke. said lance. Launce is nautically minded and this made more sense to him. Lance comes from a long line oif sea pirates. "DEAD AHEAD CAPTAIN FASPIAN PORT SIDE TO THE LEFT BOW STARTBOARD!" "10-4 GOOD BUGGY WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE OVER HERE" "Dead calm for the headside ofhen switch on th

Somneone came along and saw the friends sitting around the campfire. HEY WHAT'S HAPPNIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its their old friend george fatty mc fatpants. He is very fat and has ab ig beard and says "WHAT'S HEPPNIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" all the time. "Hi George Fatpants" said everyone. "WHAT'S HEPPBNIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" After chopping gearge fatpants up and ensuring that he is never seen or heard from again, they threw cut him intoi little sticks and tied him up with some rope. SOMEONE THROW THAT FAGGOT ON THE FIRE!" said som,eone and someone did and he burned all night. The frying fat made some BEARS COME AND THEY BEARS ATE EVERYONE!!!! Later the bear shit in the woods and one bit of shit said to the other "OH THAT HURT"

Dec. 24th, 2008

LANCE VANCE is watching tv. "I liked the old Dr Phil theme music better!" "Lance you are so crazy said tommy."
CJ and big smoke walk in "YOU HOMES whats going on on this side"
"Hi cj hi big smoke hi tommy" said lands. "Lets watch some tv. The tv said "cmone down to Hammer and Chisel dentistry, where it's not pain free but the pain is free!"" "SHIT S I NEED A DENTIST SAID laTOMMY." Let's all go to hammer and chisel. "I want silver tooth caps!" "I want gold!" "I WANT A SPINNING GRILL ON MY TETHS>"

After blinging their teeth the whle gang is walking down the street./ WE ARE ALL HAVING FUN TOMMY PUT ON THE RADIO. BIG SMOKE DOESN'T LIKE THE RADIO STATION and he changes it. Then lance said "I HATE THIS" and chenged it again. Then CJ said "WHAT IS THIS SHIT" and changed it again. then tommy said "THIS IS STUPID " and changed the statiom. Let's listen to some easy listetning said Ryder "Mellow Beats" and Cunningham.., He was named after a sentient leg of ham that outsmarted a entire country and tooke their gold many years ago. 6 friends are all sitting around a table drinking some soda water and lime by liLime

Afgter playing civilisation 4 for 10 years cj said "SCORE ONE FOR THE NUBIANS once again the superior black race is the first into the starts"
"Big Smoke saids "if you and me had a black race cj i would be into the stars first homes" "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you mean celebritiers right big smoke "NO I MEAN THE BURNING GAS IN THE SKY" cj is suprised as big smoke flew in to the air TO BE COMTINUED

Dec. 16th, 2008

PART I: DONUT KINGS

CJ was hungrily eating at Big Smokes brown donut. "Damn CJ! Why did you eat all my doughnuts when i did go to the bathroom here at the donught shop where we are eating donuts~!" "Damn big Smoke! I ate all the donuts because I was hungtry! SHO' NUFF!"
"Damn, sho' nuff CJ! Let's go CJ!"

CJ and Big Smoke get into the car. "LET'S GO TO THE PORN STORE"!!!

Cj and big smoke get intot hte carporno store. CJ is looking at porn and big smoke is eating food. "DAMN C J WHAT IS THIS HITS!!!!" "I need GANGSTA PORNO gansta coz if my porno aint gansta I AINT GANSTA, gansta and that aint gansta!!!!"
            

1 year later...


"DAMN CJ we been driving all day! I need something to eat!" "We'll stop soon. But first we gotta beat some crack addicts with baseball bats." "Damn, CJ! YOU HITTIN' THE BASE... ON THEM THAT'S HITTIN' THE BASE! " "Damn Big Smoke you're like a linguist or someshits!" "Make that a CUNNING LINGUIST! DAMN CJ!" " AAAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA i don't get it"

After killing some drugged out FOO'S and HO'S CJ and Big smoke realise that killing the dealers themselves gave them much more money and in a couple of hours they were millionaires. "DAMN CJ we have enough money to buy whatever we want. I got an idea. Why don't you buy the farm and we start GROWING OUR OWN SWEET STICKY CROP"
"I'd like to smoke your sweet sticky crop big smoke" "DAMN CJ! Wait till we grow it first!" 

PART II: BIG SPENDER

After driving to the farm CJ buys it. "LET'S HAVE A HOUSEWARMING PARTY!"

PART III: THE PARTY

All of CJs friends arrive to the party. They are having a good time when one of the couples goes off alone into a empty room. They start having quite ordinary sex until *CRASH* *BANG* *BRASH* *CANG* A  BIG BRANCH FLIES THROUGH THE WINDOW

CJ and Big sSmoke Come running into the room! "HOLYSHITS WHAT'S  GOING ON IN HERE CJ" " I DON'T KNOW CJ SOEMTHING STRANGE IS HAPPENING."

"Oh forget about it guys it's just a branch let's get stoned and listed to this tape i FOUND IN THE BASEMENT"

Ryder was chopping up really slowly and pissing everyone off. But he didn't go any quicker because he's a stupid loud mouth little FUCK "DAMN RYDER HURRY THE DAMN SHIT UP " "CJ shit up! You're embarrasing homie!" CJ takes ryders head and slams it into the coincrete floor. There is a loud CRACK and ryder shuts his fat mouth forever. "Lets  keep his bones as trophies! Anyway let's go into the other room and listen to that SPOOKY TAPE

They are sitting around smoking a giant inefficient bong. Some guy that's not CJ or Big Smoke starts the tape. "I have been trying to grow the ultimate in hallucinogenic hydroponic weed. RIGHT ON! But damn, nigga, I channeled some SPOOKY RASTAFARIAN EVIL  WEED SPIRIT SHIT when I starting singing Bob Marley backwards... here is a recording..." JUST THEN LIGHTNING CRASHED AND SCARED EVERYONE AND CJS SISTER SCREAMS AND SHUTS OFF THE TAPE!!!!!!! "CJ DAMN IT TURN IT OFF I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO IT!!!"
Then sweet said "SHIT CJS SISTER LET'S LISTEN TO IT what wrong wit'choo" so CJ STARTED THE TAPE

"Won pu gnikcip uoy era... Pu gnikcip... Ebiv doog a evah ot tog... Sebiv!"

"THIS IS THE SCARIET SHITS EVER" yells everyone at once! Out side AN OMINOUS FORCE is brewing but t
hey cant see it because it s dark out side and they are inside.

SUDDENLY BIG SMOKE JUMPS UP! "DAMN CJ! I HAVE TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT! IAM CRAZY WITH HUNGER." big smoke is crazy with hungry and he jumps out the window and runs into the forest!!!!!. "DAMN BIG SMOKE YOU CRAZY SHO'NUFF" everyone wonders what big smoke is doing in the forest. They hear him running and crashing into trees and knocking them down.

"DAMN CJ! THERE'S GOTTA BE A QUICKEN CHICKEN AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE" says big smoke. suddenly he trips on a root and falls into the ground. "AWWW HELL NAW" when he is on the ground THE TREES COMES ALIVE AND GRAB HIS FEET WITH BRANCH TENDRILS. The branches curl and twist around his legs and arms! Big smoke is trapped on the graoud!" SHIT I CAINT GET UP!!!!" The branches rip off his clothes and suddenly a BIG BRACH GOES RIGHT INTO HIS ASS "AWWW HELL NAW"

Big smoke is very scared and violated and he goes crazy with hunger and he breaks free and RUNS THROUGH THE DEADLY WOODS PURSUED BY AN UNKNOWN FORCE THAT 

He reaches the farm house and RUNS THROUGH THE DOOR. "BIG SMOKE WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES" says big smoke.
CJ says "BIG SMOKE! DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO YOU IN THE WOODS"

"DAMN CJ HELL NAW... IT... IT WAS THE WOODS THEMSELVES!!!!!"

to be continued...?

This story has a more mature outlook because i have aged (grown up( over time an d i think this strory really reflects tha.t

PART I: BURNING BRIDGES

Tommy did drive his infernus to the airport. I need to catch a plane! An AEROPLANE." said tommy to noone in particular. He went into the airport and went up to the woman behind a desk. Please fetch me one plane, my dear! " screamed tommy into the womans ear. Her name was Betty. "Certainly sir! Where would you like to go." "TO SAND ANDREAS! !!!!!" Just then the giant 80's mobile phone started to ring. "HELLO FRIEND! " said tommy into the phone. "Hello tommy! It's lance vance. Want to come over and dance the vance lance lance vance dance? By that I mean WE ENJOY HOMOEROTIC SEX WITH EACH OTHER." "Oh gee, I sure am busy tommy! I mean Lance! " said lance I mean tommy. The truth is that tommy met another man online and he is going to libery city to meet him. ONE TICKET TO SAN ANDREAS, PLEASE! said tommy again. But he forgot to hang up the phone and lance did hear him. "Oh, san andreas hmmm...." said lance. he was formulating a plan in his brain. "hmmmmmmmmm!" lance thought.

PART II: THE TALE TAKES A DARKER TURN


Tommy was sittying in the planeseat. He did just ordered a martini. "I'LL HAVE MINE STIRRED NOT SHAKED LIK E SOME FAGGGOTS" said tommy. The waitress thought "gee what a strange rude man" and went to get his piss martini. She

The plane crashed on a deserted island! Tommy said "SHIT!  N OW I ONLY HAVE THIS VOLLEYBALL TO FUCK

Part III:  Lance arrives to the party!

Lance was flying slowly behind in a wingless dodo and it took all ov his strength to keep it above water. All she had to fly in vice city was a wingless dodo. Lance heard about a magical place called LibeSAN ANDREAS where people could fly real planes and EVEN SWIM IN THE WATER.  but all he had in the 80['s was a wingless dodo. "I remember when tommy and i went to get fried chicken. we are such good friend si hope he isn't betraying me." Eventually he foolows the plane for 10 hours before CRASH the plane just crashed into an island!" Lance put away his rocket;launcher and said "SHIT WHY DID THAT PLANE FALL FROM THE SKY? I should go to the island and check for survivors. " Lance flew to the island masturbating all the way.


PART: IIII SURVIVER: GRANDTHEFT AUTO

Tommy was wandering around the island looking for treasure. He found a crab and cracked it open on a rock. He put his fingers into the crab and swirled the warm, pulsing goo with his finger. He feels its green bristly lungs and pulls them from its body with his fingers. He chews on the raw meat and it feels rubbery between his teeth. there was no treasure in the crab, however. tommy takes off a leg from the crab and puts it in his nose as a joke, and he turns around to make lance laugh but... LANCE WAS NOT THERE. "Oh thats right, said tommy. I was going to meet my new interenet friend and i ditched lance! Now i'm stuck on this island... all alone! ALL ALONE EXCEPT FOR THIS RUBBERY FUCKED UP CRAB tommy is falling into a pit of dark despair. He decides to go to sleep in his tent and live on his bitter bitter tears until he dies,.Tommy goes to sleep using rubbercrab as a pillow.

Lance is exploiring the beach using his giant penisdick as a metal detector. "Tommy still has that iron buttplug. IF i find the buttplug I find tommy!" Just as lance saw a volleyball with a big sticky hole in it. "SHJIT" thought lance! He just saw a clue. Did he recognise tyhe volleyball from home, or was the hole in the volleyball the same size as tommys dick? We may never know. Buit in the murky depths of his mind he knows tommy is nearby.

Tommy hears a noise and wakes up. He looks up and sees two big brown hairy balls. "What are these balls? Says tommy. He's hungry so he puts one in his mouth.

Lance is thinking about where tommy might be when he feels something warm and wet on his balls. "SHIT THAT FEELS FAMILIAR" and lance looked down to see A BIG DOG LICKING HIS BALLS lance closes his eyes and lives the rest of his life with his new dog lover.

Tommy ate the brown poision hairy berrys that were growing in his tent and DIED BECAUSE THEY WERE POISON

THE END

Ha ha i hop u liked the twist at the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!